Commerce

Being brown in England has its peculiarities. A lot of the shops are run by Asians, first or second generation. Most of them would have come to the UK as unskilled migrants or asylum seekers long time ago. However, today they are all very much British, except they are not.
Couple of weeks ago, I was on my laptop hunt. I decided to visit the local Sony Style outlet in Staines and was contemplating buying my VAIO SZ there (even though costs a couple of hundred quid more there, I felt better about buying in a proper store in case my laptop packs up). This place was run by a couple of Asian jerks (probably Bangladeshi). One of them was busy spitting marketing jargon to a (seemingly wealthy) man and his wife about the virtues of a 50” overpriced LCD TV and how it will help him be a dad. The other one was zealously clicking on his computer. Being a bio-informatician, I obviously knew the importance of clicking and looking busy. The big one called out to him and asked him to attend to me. This guy takes one look at me and gives me “what the hell are you doing here? The cheap discount shop is down the road” look. I explain to him that I’m looking for the VAIO SZ3HP/B (I had done my research).
Sales Jerk: “The ass-zade ? Ummmm, wait, I weell chake”
Me: “Ok”
Sales Jerk: “There is nothing like that”
Me: “Really? It was on your website”
Sales Jerk: “(Pucking Rossogulla) I weell chake on the computer”
After 5mins of fervent and rigorous clicking, the sales jerk realises that such a laptop does exist and is the same one as in the huge poster on the shop window. Suddenly…
Sales Jerk: “You want to buy eet ?”
Me: “ Yeah, but I’d like to take a look at it first to see if I like it”
Sales Jerk: “ So you only want to look ? You weell not buying now?”
Me: “I want to take a look first. Only then will I decide on buying it. Obviously I will take my time before deciding to spend over a grand on a computer”
By this time Sales jerk decides that he doesn’t understand my “Asian” accent.
Sales Jerk is very irritated and decides to get rid of me.
Sales Jerk: “There is no shtock, tell me you want to buying or no buying. Bheecause I weell have to get it from Keengshton shop”
Me: “ When can you get it ?”
Sales Jerk: “ 3 days it weell take”. That’s rubbish ’cos Kingston is 15mins away. I knew he was giving me the usual and was very irritated.
Me: “ Ok listen, I’m in a hurry and I want to buy the Laptop right NOW, will I get the laptop if I go down to Kingston myself, NOW”
Sales Jerk is now confused and realises I’m a real buyer and I‘m pissed.
Sales Jerk “ I weell try and get it tomorrow for you”
I asked him to get the computer and left him with a fake phone number to call as soon as he gets it. I then went home and bought my laptop online. Heh.